


Crave you

by Natsumi



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, Hugs, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nagisa not being a cockblock for once, Panic Attacks, Sickfic, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 18:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natsumi/pseuds/Natsumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Makoto and Haruka realise that they have to use words sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crave you

It was still dark in the room when Haruka opened his eyes. He didn’t know how long he had been sleeping, but it didn’t feel like nearly enough. His nose was still stuffed, his head was still hurting like hell and he still felt like shit. Nothing had really changed since he woke up this morning, except from the warm presence beside him on the bed. 

Haruka titled his head slowly to get a closer look at his best friend, wincing and wrinkling his nose slightly at the headache that followed. Makoto had insisted on staying even though Haruka had tried to stop him, worried that he would pass his cold on to the brunet. The other had brushed it off like it was nothing, claiming he couldn’t leave him all alone with a fever. Secretly, Haruka was grateful for it. 

He had always liked being alone, and it didn’t bother him that his parents lived somewhere else, but having Makoto close made him feel warm and safe. He couldn’t let him know that, though. Couldn’t let him know that he wanted to curl up on his lap or brush his hands through the brunet’s hair as he felt their lips meet in a kiss. It was wrong to think like that, to crave that kind of actions from your best friend. 

Still, Haruka did. He had only just realised it, but it had probably been there for a long time. At first, he had been confused. Every time Makoto took his hand to help him out of the pool, his heart would race, not from the swimming he had just done, but from the simple touch. Sometimes the other would hold his hand just a little longer than necessary and it would make his head spin. Did he do it on purpose? Did he realise the effect it had on him?

It was stupid, Makoto had no idea what it made him feel. His best friend’s hand was larger and warmer than his own and it sent shivers down his spine whenever that hand curled around his own, warming his fingers. 

In Haruka’s opinion, everything about Makoto was warm. When their eyes met, when their hands accidently brushed together, when he smiled; it all made Haruka feel really, really warm. 

When he had realised that, the confusion turned into shame. He shouldn’t have those kind of thoughts. Not only was Makoto his best friend, but he was also a boy. The following week, the raven had tried to be more aware of the girls in their school. It was nothing wrong with them, he even found some of them to be kind of pretty, but he had no interest in them at all. He didn’t want to touch them like he wanted to touch Makoto. A girl had confessed to him one day on the school’s rooftop, he didn’t even know her name. She had walked up to their little group and made him follow her away from the others. Her voice had been shaking a little and she talked so fast that he could only make out the words “like”, “go out” and “you”. It had been pretty obvious, and he almost felt sorry for her efforts. He tried to reject her gently without making a scene, but she had still looked sad. 

He had thought a lot about her after that. Tried to imagine the two of them going out, but it just felt wrong no matter how he looked at it. He didn’t want it. Nagisa wanted to know what the girl said to him. When he told them, trying to look as unaffected a possible, he had kept an eye on Makoto, wondering what kind of reaction it would cause. The brunet had smiled. Smiled! Like it was nothing. “You turned her down, didn’t you?” he asked later when the two of them walked home from school. He had nodded, not wanting to talk anymore about it as it obviously didn’t bother Makoto at all.

Haruka sighed and turned his attention to the sleeping boy beside him. One of his arms were hanging off the bed, but he seemed comfortable enough, his breathing steady. Instead of taking out the futon, he had simply laid down in Haruka’s bed. At first, the raven had been too busy feeling ill to notice, but now he couldn’t stop his heart from beating way too fast. His face felt hot. Was he blushing? Stupid, he thought to himself as he hid his face in a pillow, scared that Makoto somehow would find out. 

Hopelessly in love with his best friend who happened to be a boy, that’s what he was. He knew that now. Did that make him gay? That was another question, and he hadn’t quite figured that one out yet. It was true that he had no interest in girls, but he had never had any interest in boys either. It was always only Makoto. 

It was all making him more upset than he liked to admit. He didn’t know how to cope with those kind of feelings. He never asked to fall in love with his best friend. 

One of the worst things about it was that he felt really bad for even thinking about Makoto like that, he had no right to do so. As far as he knew, the other was straight. They had never really talked about it, but at least he assumed he was, if only to not get his hopes up. What was he hoping for, anyway? That the brunet would feel the same? It was an absolutely ridiculous thought. Why on earth would he feel the same? He knew he could be quite the handful. Sometimes, he wondered if that might be the reason that his parents let him stay in Iwatobi without a discussion. He had this weird obsession with water, it somehow felt like home. Like it was the only place he could be completely safe. 

It was not, he realised, sitting up in the bed, ignoring the throbbing headache. He felt that same feeling of safeness around Makoto. 

He was shaking pretty badly, he realised. He pulled his knees against his chest and rested his aching head on top of them while hugging himself to try to stop the shaking. It was no good. His breath hitched in his throat and it felt like he was about to suffocate. He had to keep his mouth wide open to even get air as his nose was now completely stuffed. 

Makoto shifted beside him. _Shit, I’m going to wake him._

_Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet!_

“Haru?” 

He could hear the brunet yawn softly and sit up beside him. “Haru!” 

_He sounds almost panicked…_

Haruka tried to say something, to reassure the other that everything was fine and that he could go back to sleep, but he couldn’t get his voice out. 

“Hey, Haru! What is wrong?” 

Makoto’s warm, warm hands were on his shoulder. The brunet said something more, but Haruka couldn’t really make out the words over his own loud breathing.

“-aru, breathe.” 

The feeling was overwhelming, and he was so dizzy it felt like he was about to pass out. Suddenly he found himself staring into green, wide eyes. Makoto had a tight grip under his arms, one hand supporting his back, rubbing soothing circles. 

“It’s okay, Haru. Try to breathe. Haru.” 

Even though Haruka could tell from the other’s voice that he was stressed, it was as calming as ever. 

He tried to concentrate on his best friend's breathing, inhaling in time with him. “That’s it,” Makoto whispered into the raven’s ear. If he hadn’t already been as dizzy as he was, it would probably had made it ten times worse. He was practically laying in the other’s lap.

As soon as he realised this, he sat up rapidly, pulling away from the other. Makoto kept an arm on his shoulders, as if he was scared he might fall over if he didn’t. He was probably right, too.

“Are you okay? Should we go see a doctor?” 

_He thinks it is because of the fever_ , Haruka realised. He shook his head slowly. “No, its,” he had to stop to catch his breath. “It’s not that.” 

His voice sounded strangled. The brunet looked worried at him, trying to figure out what was wrong with his friend. 

“What is it then?” he asked when Haruka didn’t say anything more. His breathing seemed almost normal now, but he was still shaking quite a bit.

“You. It’s always been you,” he said slowly, not meeting Makoto’s eyes. 

“Me? Whatever I did, I’m sorry.” He frowned confused. 

Haruka hadn’t really planned to explain any further, but he couldn’t stand seeing Makoto looking like that. 

“I want to be with you, Makoto.” 

It was a stupid confession and he knew it, but he had never been good with words. They always seemed to come out differently than they had been in his head. Like they somehow changed meaning when they came in contact with air. He sighed and tried again, noticing the other’s confusion. 

“I want to be with you, in every way that I can. I want us to be together.” 

There it was again, that weird feeling Haruka got whenever he said anything involving his feelings out loud. It was a feeling that made him want to take every word back. He was about to do just that, to tell Makoto to forget it and go back to sleep when the other smiled.

He fucking smiled! 

“Don’t make fun of me,” Haruka mumbled, suddenly feeling a mix of embarrassment and annoyment. Makoto’s smile only grew wider. 

“Oh, Haru, you should have just said so. I want to be with you too.”

“I don’t think you know what I mean,” Haruka muttered. It was all so complicated. How do you tell your best friend that you want to touch him in ways you really shouldn’t want to? 

“Yes, I actually do. I’m in love with you, too.” 

Oh, that’s how you do it. Wait, what?

The brunet smiled and continued. “I have been for a long time, but I honestly thought you knew, but just ignored it because it made you uncomfortable. I mean, I did try to hint about it.”

Haruka didn’t dare to look away from the other, afraid it might all be a dream and that he would wake up if he looked away. “What?” he managed to press out after what felt like minutes of staring. Makoto’s smile hadn’t faltered once. 

“I am in love with you, and you are in love with me. We are in love with each other. That’s what you meant, right?” He actually looked a little nervous about the last part.

“Well, yes. Pretty much.” 

“Good! I guess I should have told you instead of just assuming you would understand, but now you know. Is that the reason you were so upset? That you thought I didn’t return your feelings?” 

Haruka nodded, not knowing what else to do. He hadn’t expected this. Hadn’t even dared to dream about it.

“I’ve had nightmares of situations like this, but when I told you about… You know, you got angry and told me to get lost.” His voice sounded smaller than he liked.

Makoto put his hands on his shoulder again, but this time he pulled Haruka in for a hug. They hadn’t hugged properly in years, Haruka realised as he wrapped his own arms around the bigger body. It felt good. 

He hid his face in the crook of the brunet’s neck for a moment, content just staying like that. If it was up to him, they could stay like that forever, ignoring the outside world. 

“I guess Nagisa was right,” Makoto chuckled quietly after a while. 

“Hmm?” 

“He told me that I didn’t have anything to worry about, that I should just tell you.” 

At that, Haruka pulled back. “You told Nagisa?”

He seemed almost embarrassed by it. “Yeah, it was kind of hard keeping it all locked up. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you. You didn’t tell anyone, right?” 

Haruka shook his head. It had never even occurred to him that he could tell someone and he honestly didn’t think he would have even if he had thought about it. 

Makoto shifted to feel his forehead, frowning slightly. 

“You should try to get some sleep, I don’t like the direction this fever is heading.” 

In fact, Haruka felt better than he had in a long time, but he slid down back under the covers again anyway. 

This time, Makoto put his arm under the raven’s head to support him. It felt even better that Haruka had imagined it would be.

He could feel his eyelids dropping, feeling safe with his best friend holding him. The last thing he felt was a slight peck on his forehead. Lips? He didn’t really know, but it certainly felt like that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I might write a small epilogue to this, would you like that? :)


End file.
